How to honor my paternal grandfather, who passed away when I was just one-year-old, remained a tricky matter in the family for a long time.
My father, being the eldest son of a family from a conservative backwater village in South Jeolla Province, was expected to prepare and host memorial rites four times a year—on the Lunar New Year (Seolnal 설날), the mid-autumn festival (Chuseok 추석), my grandfather's birthday and on the anniversary of his death.
My mother, a Christian urbanite who saw the whole thing as a superstitious, outdated custom, refused to hold them at home. At her insistence my father's much younger stepbrother took over the responsibility, but my father sent him a significant sum each time—partly to pay for the costly offerings and partly to convey his apologies for failing to be filial.